Today I’m struggling

After a very introverted day yesterday and a purposefully quiet morning today, I’m having a hard time keeping positive thoughts.

I had a good long talk with my wife last night and it just made me miss and appreciate her even more. She is so supportive and made sure to let me know that she and the kids were perfectly fine and that there was no rush to be back. That’s very reassuring.

I just can’t get my head right this morning. Maybe it’ll pass but not on its own. I’m going to have to work on it.

I haven’t seen a therapist in at least 3 months and its starting to take a toll on me. As much as I wish I could, I can’t do this on my own. I feel like giving up.

17 thoughts on “Today I’m struggling”

  1. A bad day doesn’t equate a necessity to give up. You’ve had an amazing trip on the road and within yourself. Comfortable memories being built, but you are also are not immune to some difficulties from time to time. Keep on keepin’ on.

    Ya it’s hard work from time to time but you are a better person from it.

    One day at a time.



  2. I hear you, brother. I’ve been struggling myself the last few days. There’s nothing I can connect it to – it’s just there sometimes. I know it will pass as inexplicably as it arrived. If you can ride safely I suggest you do that. Otherwise hunker down until you can focus on the now and here again.


  3. Alone? Your not alone Brother. You have a family so large you can’t imagine the size and we are all right there with you. The family of Vets are here for you. Stop in to n American Legion or VFW post and chew the fat, you will find there what you need! And remember…Breathe in, Breath out…
    Send me a PM if you want to talk and I’ll send you my cell.


  4. Don’t give up…keep riding and enjoying nature. Reach out to one of the many veterans you know. Stop at a VFW or DAV office. Continue on your journey one step, one day at a time. You are loved by many. I am praying for you daily and God will give you the sustenance you need to make it through this day.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Foe,
      you are not alone, you are a Vet and a member of my family. You are also a brother CVMA, Alabama 28-2. I wish I could get you and let you talk it through with me but just a little out there right now. However, I would suggest finding a VFW Hall or and American Legion, those Vets in there will welcome you with open arms. Your trip and blog I have been following the whole time. feel free to DM me if you wish. I and your fellow Vets are here for you. don’t give up, stay strong, and enjoy the ride.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. So much of your story sounds like mine and it has really started me thinking. As I struggle in my “new normal” I find much that I need to work on, and if I focus only on that I sometimes think I should just give up. As I look back at the steps and rides I have taken though, I see that things are better than they were. Even if I get three steps forward and two back, I have still made progress. Thank you for your courage in writing this, as it is helping me face the things I do not want to, and giving me strength through Brotherhood.

    You do not journey alone Brother.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hey Jake. Last Thursday I ran into your dad in Wyoming. We didn’t have long to talk, but after we’d chatted and I asked about you, he said I should check out your blog….and I’m glad he did. Several days later, I’ve made it through every entry so far, and I wanted to say thanks for putting it all out there.

    If you haven’t heard of it, google “Kintsukuroi”, the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery. To me the most beautiful aspect of it is that the final piece ends up more beautiful for having been broken, and the fractures aren’t hidden away, but are repaired and laced with gold, and become part of the history and beauty of the pottery. Whatever the necessary healing process is, it’s nice to hope one day for gold to fill our fractures. You have a talent for true expression…I’m glad you’re sharing your journey.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Jake! Wonderful, honest blog. Thank you for sharing. If you happen to go to Gettysburg realize that your fifth great grandfather, John Beatty fought in that awful struggle and survived. At least physically. There seems to be evidence that he too suffered from PTSD. I hope he can somehow help.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. John Beattie served in the Michigan 5th Infantry Regiment.

        The regiment mustered a total of 1586 men during its existence.[2] It suffered 16 officers and 247 enlisted men who were killed in action or mortally wounded and 3 officer and 188 enlisted men who died of disease, for a total of 454 fatalities.[3]

        “When compared to other Michigan regiments that fought in the Civil War, the Fifth Michigan stands out. It had the second highest number of casualties of all Michigan infantry regiments in the war. Of all Union infantry regiments in the war, the Fifth Michigan ranked fifth in total number of casualties endured. A logical explanation for so many combat deaths and wounds is the fact that the Fighting Fifth played a key role in numerous charges against Confederate positions: twice at Williamsburg (Battle of Williamsburg), and at Fair Oaks (Battle of Seven Pines) the Wilderness (Battle of the Wilderness), Spotsylvania, North Anna, and Petersburg.”[4]

        The Regiment was commanded at Gettysburg by Lieutenant Colonel John Pulford, who was wounded on July 2 – the third of five times during the war.

        From the Gettysburg monument: “Effective strength July 2nd 1863; present and detached service 21 officers and 262 men, total 283. Casualties: Killed 2 officers, 17 men; Wounded 8 officers 78 men; Missing 4 men; Total 109.”

        “The regiment fought here about 4:30 o’clock p.m., July 2, 1863, after it had been assembled from the skirmish line far in advance of this position. It moved to the support of the 2nd Corps in resisting Pickett’s Charge, July 3.”

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thanks for this! That’s exactly what I wanted to know. I’m sure you know how we trace our lineage, if it wouldn’t be too much, could you post that?


      1. John Beattie enlisted in Company E, Michigan 5th Infantry Regiment on 28 Aug 1861.Promoted to Full 1st Sergeant on 15 May 1862.Mustered out on 28 Aug 1864 at Petersburg, VA.

        Liked by 1 person

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