The weather today was perfect. Blue skies, mid 70’s and no wind. I was mostly in areas without traffic which was surprising with how I actually rode through Buffalo NY.
It was peaceful which is a great time to just relax and think.
Before I get to all of that, I did stop in Palmyra for some Mormon history. First was Joseph Smith’s boyhood home (rebuilt). A nice lady gave me a personal tour.
I then climbed a hill nearby because they all said I had to. Then I got chased down by some “sister missionaries” who wanted to make sure I had a book of mormon on my ride. No thanks. No room.
Then began the much longer than anticipated ride to Niagra Falls. This place was over run with people and I’ll just say it, most of them were from India. I found that interesting. In my neck of the woods all of the tourists are Asian, mostly Chinese.
I parked, walked quickly down to the falls and then walked quickly back. Less than half an hour which was plenty. Yes, I saw a wedding there. Why? It’s also touted as the honeymoon capital of the world. Again, why?
So here’s the deal.
I’ve recently wondered what I’ve done to scare everyone off. I would say that it doesn’t matter but it does. Yes, I’m doing this for me but I do want to get this put there to where it can help. Like I’ve mentioned, I’ve had several people message me saying that my story is resonating with them.
Recently? Not so much.
Which got me thinking and not necessarily in a good way. I thought about the types of people who are following me and why. I have a lot of new people who I don’t know following me, mostly because it’s been shared on a page they follow or they’re a member of a group that has posted my blog address.
It is somewhat a motorcycle blog so I have a lot of people in the community following.
Mostly this is a Human story blog though. I’m not getting the human part of it out there enough.
I also have a lot of family following. They’re family. They have to. Plus it gives them all something to gossip about at Christmas parties.
I have long time friends who are here, following and cheering me on in the comments and in PM’s. That means a lot to me and is really helping to keep me going.
I realized though that not many of my bicycling friends are here. Does that mean that we’re just acquaintances after all?
I’ve posted before about how PTSD makes you question relationships and to cut ties the moment you feel slighted.
I’m trying very hard not to feel that way. I have a whole community of cycling friends who I thought would be invested in my journey. There are a few but those friendships carry on beyond the bike.
I’ve coached for 7 years. I’ve guided for 8. I have very few of those people here.
I want to think I’m being unrealistic. This feels very awkward to write all of this and I don’t want to offend anyone. It really is where my mind goes a lot of the time. Who cares and who doesn’t?
I’ve had a lot of friends who can tell you how fast I can feel slighted and write them off. It’s always my fault and I’m left scrambling to apologize.
I just feel that in this blog, I’m putting more of myself out there than ever before. I’m raw and vulnerable. Isn’t this when friends would at least give you a one line encouragement? I feel that should be expected.
I’d really like feedback on this. Tell me I’m nuts (the VA agrees with you). Or, tell me why you’d be upset as well. Whatever you feel like saying. I just need to hear from you.
I guess I feel lonely.
I am happy though. Odd balance.
Pics from SW New York this evening.