It’s been a long time. Not really sure why I’m writing this other than to post some thoughts and feelings. I don’t think anyone will see this post and honestly that’s just fine. I’m sitting at the bar in a Chili’s restaurant. I told my wife I was going out for a ride. Nothing like a nice day, a depressed attitude and a motorcycle ride to turn me introspective. Things have been rough at home the last while. I say while because that’s longer than a few months but less than a year. So, a while. I think at this point, we’re ok. And things have been ok. But that seems to change quickly. Tonight I was stressed out and couldn’t find a way to relax so I hopped on the Harely and headed out, without a plan. And here I am.
I just turned 43 this last week. That doesn’t really mean anything to me but I do find myself contemplating life and what I’m doing. Which isn’t much. I am burned out. I essentially quit mountain biking. I don’t know why. I guess I got tired of the pressure. The pressure to perform, keep in shape, progess in skills and justify my lack of all of these to people who didn’t really care. So I quit. I haven’t ridden a bike in months. I’m sure I will again, but only by myself and on my own terms.
I took up Jeeping and offroading with my wife soon after I got back from my cross country trip. It’s a lot of fun but it’s a very expensive hobby. I really need to dial that back.
So here I am. Lost at a Chili’s. I’m still the same. Frustrated with my life and barely getting by. I haven’t really made many changes and I still feel alone most of the time.
Sorry for the random update.