Bittersweet

I left my cousins home this morning.

I had a wonderful few days to spend with her and to get to know her family that much better. She has great kids and her husband is one of those people I could hang out and talk with forever. They made me feel very welcome.

My mental struggles over the last few days had absolutely nothing to do with them. That is one of the ridiculous things those with mental illness struggle with. Our surroundings can be perfect, it can look like we’re having an amazing time. But in our heads we are tearing ourselves up. It’s like with Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade. The pundits look back on their recent history and say “but they looked so happy…”.

It felt good to get back on the bike to start moving forward again. I don’t have any other family stops until I get to the Bay area in California. I will see my dad along the way in Montana but that will just be us and hotels. It feels like I have a long slog ahead of me and it is daunting. I can’t say I’m really looking forward to anything until I get back west. Too much urban sprawl over the next few weeks. I’m sure I’ll be surprised with the scenery and roads. Hopefully like I was in Texas and Oklahoma. That’d be nice and a good pick-me-up.

At least I’m moving.

Please keep sharing. Maybe we’ll find that “one” vet who it can help. Maybe we already did. Maybe that’s just me.