It’s with a lot of trepidation that I start this blog again. I apologize in advance to everyone who forgot they were following this blog and just got a notification saying there was a new post. As you all may remember, this blog is very personal and really gets into details and feelings that are pretty raw. I’m not sure how I feel about starting this up again but hopefully it’s cathartic. Hopefully it helps. I had a friend who knows what’s going on and he mentioned that doing this again may help. We’ll see. So Ben, this one’s for you.
I am not even sure I know where to start. So here it goes. Megan divorced me. 2 weeks ago. It hurts. We had issues but nothing I thought we couldn’t work out. I guess I was wrong. She says she’s known for years that she was done but she was “waiting for me to be in a better place” before she ruined my life again. How messed up is that? She told me one night that she didn’t love me anymore and she wanted out. After 24 years. I always wondered how we’d made it so far with my ptsd. When you go to group therapy, everyone else is divorced. I thought I was lucky and fortunate to have such a strong and supportive wife. I guess she was just biding her time. I’ll probably get into more of that later but I just can’t right now.
I’m not one to mope around so I immediately made plans. I have to or the depression takes over. If I sit and think too long, I’m done for. I’m in a unique situation. With my VA benefits, and being forcibly retired, I don’t have a job I have to show up for every day. Megan has the kids so I realized I have no reason to own or rent a home. Plus it’s crazy expensive. Enter a crazy idea. I’ve always wanted to live in an rv and go around the country. I can thank my 2018 motorcycle trip for that idea. So I’m doing it. I’ve sold some things in order to afford a truck and trailer. The reason for that, and not a motor home, is because I want to bring my side by side and…wait for it…a “new” motorcycle. I sold the Harley. It was hard to see it go but I’m not a nostalgic person. With a camp trailer, I anticipate being down some interesting dirt roads and in the backcountry. A Harley wouldn’t be able to navigate those roads and I really wanted a motorcycle that would work as a primary vehicle once I was camped. I found a 2014 BMW F800 GS Adventure bike. It’s in Sonora California and I get to fly out on Friday to pick it up. A 2 day road trip will bring me back to southern Utah and give me some time to get acclimated to the new bike. I’m excited. This is part of the reason I’m starting this blog again. I’ll have a new and different bike to have some adventures on. I apologize to all of the Harley fanatics who follow me. I hope you’ll stick around even though I’m on a BMW. It’s about the ride, not the bike.
It’s been a hard few weeks. Trying to come to terms with my new lot in life and how my future is completely different from what I’d planned and hoped for. I’ll have to figure it out as I go. No plans. Maybe having this blog will help. Maybe not. It may not be an every day type of thing, maybe it will. Who knows.